Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A REALLY BAD RELATIONSHIP IN 3 ACTS: POSTSCRIPT

Today we bring the tale of Hank and Iris up to date. It’s been 15 years since he’s seen Iris, but she still haunts him. The “temporary” restraining order she served him with is still on the books and makes leaving and entering the country an ordeal. Today, Hank muses on revenge . . .

Says Hank, “My wife always says that living well is the best revenge, particularly when it comes to Iris. It’s not. Hell, ‘living well’ doesn’t even qualify as revenge. Jerry Seinfeld had it right: When someone screws you over, buying a really nice dinette set doesn’t settle the score. However, it often bemuses me to think of what a violent, fitful rage she would fly into if she ever happened to learn what sort of life I currently live.
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Sunday, August 1, 2010

NOT ALL COUGARS AFTER PREY

We recently heard from cougar MIMI who said “being with younger guys feeds the ego. It’s a high. I think the term cougar is apt, because—objectively—it's predatory.”
Today we hear from ELLEN, another cougar, with another point of view. “I don't consider myself a predatory animal looking for helpless prey.”

In 2006, Ellen’s husband wanted a divorce after 15 years of marriage. So she was back to dating, experimenting with on-line and speed dating.

“The only men that interested me were younger, eight years or less which didn't bother me. I’ve always looked young. The younger men accepted me more easily than men my own age. I’m an assertive, professional woman who knows her own mind. Young men like that and don't feel I’m undermining or emasculating them.”
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Friday, July 30, 2010

STILL HAPPY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

CATHLEEN AND RICH TODAY
Cathleen first appeared in TALES FROM THE FRONT in 1986. It was a column about bad lines and one really good one.

To recap: One night, Cathleen and a friend were hanging out at a bar, “two dateless wonders in our early 30s.”

“At 5:30 p.m., the place was empty. One young guy, clearly younger than us, circled. We figured he was working on his approach. Finally, he swooped in and said ‘You girls sure like to guzzle that wine.’ We sent him away with a ‘go work on your opening lines, son. You have work to do.’

“At 10 p.m., we were still there guzzling that wine. Now the place was wall-to-wall people, but not a soul had spoken to us in four and a half hours. Then I spied Mr. Peepers in a brown leisure suit (I am not making this up) spin through the revolving door. As he catapulted into the crowd, I said to my friend, ‘See that guy yonder? He’s going to find us.’ Sure enough, 10 minutes later, he had fought his way over. He was huffing and puffing, smoothing back the very thin hair on his head. His line: ‘You girls look like mountain climbers!’”

Cathleen’s luck needed to change and it did. She was walking into the dry cleaners. Rich was walking out. She saw him and was thinking, "Why don't I ever meet guys like that?" when suddenly he said the line to beat all lines:

"Aren't you Cathleen?"
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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A REALLY BAD RELATIONSHIP IN THREE ACTS: ACT III

Today we conclude the saga of Hank and Iris, a tale which could give “Fatal Attraction” a run for its money . . .
After Hank had been removed from his own home, he discovered that Iris had accessed his bank account and he was broke.

“The courts didn’t pay any attention to me because I was a ‘wife beater’—even though she wasn’t my wife and I never beat her. They didn’t stop her when she called my boss and made death threats against him because he supposedly allowed me and some nameless coworker to have sex at work during lunch. Another of her whoppers.
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A REALLY BAD RELATIONSHIP IN THREE ACTS: ACT II

In the last post we were introduced to Hank and Iris and their “nice and normal--for the most part” relationship. Now it starts to go bad. Really, really bad . . .

Says Hank, “Actually, she dropped out of sight, but I hunted her down. She’d moved in with a married Navy recruiter and had somehow forgotten to mention it. A year later she wanted to reconcile. I agreed.”

Hank and Iris lived together for the next few years, but the relationship never recovered. She never said she was sorry and Hank never really trusted her. And the craziness escalated.
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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A REALLY, REALLY BAD RELATIONSHIP IN THREE ACTS

Today begins the saga of Hank and Iris . . .

They met in July 1987, at a dance club.

Says Hank: “By the end of the summer we were dating. We were a couple by the time I headed back to college at the end of September. We got engaged shortly after I graduated.

“She was physically my type. She looked like Marlo Thomas with slightly darker skin. About the only thing she didn’t have on my ‘perfect woman list’ was a pair of D cups which she pestered me to buy. She was a lot of fun to be around and sexually uninhibited.”
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Sunday, May 16, 2010

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. YEAH, RIGHT.

Jenna says it was love at first sight.

(Right away I’m suspicious.)

She met Scott at a ballroom dancing class and for a year, everything was great. Then he told her he needed to "press the restart button on his life."

(Yes, that’s an actual quote.)
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CARLY’S BACK—WITH A NEW PROBLEM

It was five years ago that CARLY wrote in about her problem with BRIAN. They’d been together for four years when she cheated on him. She was angry because he refused to discuss marriage. Five months later, he found out. He was furious, but he forgave her. Sort of. He moved to Florida, still called Carly every day, but started an affair with another woman.

Carly and her kids moved to Florida to live with him. When she found out about the affair, she had a “mini-nervous breakdown.” But they were trying to work things out.

Carly wrote, “I need this man in my life. Why? I know I started the cheating, but when confronted, I admitted it. I do love him and he’s been in my life for seven years. My kids love him. I’m so confused. What do I do?”

I responded, “I’m going to ignore almost everything you’ve written and focus on two things: You’ve moved your kids from New York to Florida and they love Brian. It’s time to make your kids your priority, not your libido. You and Brian obviously have a connection, however twisted. This is what you have to build on.”

Carly is back with an update . . .
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SHOULD MEN READ COSMO?

Dear Cheryl,

I was in the checkout line at our neighborhood supermarket the other day when I caught a glimpse of the latest issue of Cosmo. One headline promised women “mind blowing orgasms.”

I thought to myself, Should men be buying Cosmo? Can we make our women happier by reading this rag? Can I learn something here? And if so, why isn't this information in the magazines I read, like GQ? Are men's magazines shortchanging men, or is it all bull crap?

What do you think about this?
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Sunday, May 2, 2010

YOUR BEST FRIEND'S SPOUSE IS CHEATING. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Dear Cheryl,

If you knew your best friend’s husband was cheating on her, would you tell her? I HATE HAVING A SECRET

Dear IHHAS,

If I had to give a one word answer, that word would be No.

There are circumstances would I might change my mind, but as a general rule, I’d say No.

Readers, would you want your friend to tell you your spouse was cheating?
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